If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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