I'm sorry my penis didn't work
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
