once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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