Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
