Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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