So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
