He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
