And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
