we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
