You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
