your parents love me but you hate me
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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