well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
