Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
