I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
