Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
