it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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