An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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