She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
