Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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