Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
