We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
