It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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