whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
