if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
