How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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