Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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