Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
