420 ftw
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
