Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
