my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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