im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
