Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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