im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
