Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
