so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
