Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
