why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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