i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There's a naked man in my car right now.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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