I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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