My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
