I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
