He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The air was thick with penises
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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