Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
