Nicole vs. Life
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
