CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So gin and wine won't be happening again
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
