My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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