eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
