And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
