If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
