why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
