Already got asked if we're dating
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
