i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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