I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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