The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
