Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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