dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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