I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
