either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
